Why do we try so hard?
We primp, stress, analyze, critique and get frustrated with ourselves. Momentary acceptance sometimes is quickly followed with disgust. Let’s let it go. This summer let’s be natural, be comfortable, and be ourselves. I am tired of worrying about it all! I want to enjoy being with my family and not worried about the fit of my swimsuit. I want to soak in every sweet ounce of summer sun and fun. I am letting go of my negative self thoughts of my image and instead relishing in the laughter and joy of my kids. Please join me. Trust me, your beautiful soul would benefit from a summer break of negative thinking.
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While at the grocery store this week I struck up a conversation with an amazing elderly man. The conversation all started with him seeing Kool-Aid in my cart and he told me of his memories of his mother purchasing one packet, when money allowed, for a special treat. He said seeing it in his cart made him smile and remember the taste of it. I had purchased the squeeze bottles of the sweet drink so I took one out and handed it to him and told him to enjoy it tonight. This led to a talk I won't soon forget.
He went on to tell me of his life and the most heroic story I had ever heard. He was a Vietnam war veteran. In a quick summary he was a well known helicopter pilot who while in air was shot above the eye and in danger of crashing his med-evac helicopter that was filled with injured and dead soldiers. Blinded with blood by his injury, he couldn't see to finish flying the aircraft and he relied on one soldier who was in the bottom of his aircraft looking through a window who verbally guided him where and how to fly by telling him to pull up, turn, or ease down. They safely landed the flight! He was then rushed into surgery but quickly ignored by surgeons who were sure he was done for. His friend, who carried him in, stood up and threatened harm to all in the operating room if they didn't do what they could to save the heroic pilot. The friend then picked him up and under the direction of the surgeon took him to a waiting aircraft that was leaving for Japan. My newly admired hero was then flown to Japan, injuries taken care of, and went on to serve one more year in the military training new pilots. As I stood in this parking lot I was blown away by this quiet spoken man. His story made his voice crack at a few moments and smile at other times as he told it to me. I on the other hand was fighting back tears thankful for all this man had done. He wrapped it up by saying a little while after he had been home, he was taken to Indianapolis and met with George H Bush who awarded him the Medal of Honor for his service. He was proud of this medal and said will occasionally get it out to wear to church to show the children. I hugged the man and thanked him again for his service, our conversation, and sharing kool-aid with me. As I sat in the car for a second to process it all, the thought that immediately came to mind went back to his aircraft. He had someone in the helicopter who could see where he needed to go even when he couldn't. He had to trust this man to guide his every move and even though he was blinded by the situation he had to listen to the voice in his headset and trust that he was doing the right thing. Oh, what an amazing reminder of our relationship with Jesus. I have no idea what lies ahead of me in life. I can't see it and to be honest I shouldn't attempt any of it on my own. But Jesus is there and if I trust Him fully and listen, He will guide my every step and get me to where I need to be. I am sure panic and fear could have taken over but he had to listen closely and rely fully on his unseen co-pilot. So should I. I will never forget this hero I met. I do believe every time I buy red Kool-Aid he will come to mind. He gave me a sweet reminder to listen to Jesus in every situation. I do believe no one has lived that out more than this Kool-Aid soldier. When you teach children, sometimes the lessons you teach them are secretly teaching you just as much if not more. I have had this occur more times than I can count and my latest lesson has really stuck with me. I teach a kindergarten-second grade girls' class on Wednesday nights and we started a series on Moses. It was the beginning story of Exodus and Moses where his mother hid him away from a crazy Pharaoh who had decreed that all baby boys must die, placed him in a basket and sent him down the Nile River only to be found by a princess! The princess (daughter of Pharaoh) took pity on this baby and decided to raise him. Moses' sister was watching nearby and offered to find a woman to raise the baby for her and promptly went and got Moses' own mother. She was then paid to raise her child safely.
We broke this story into 3 parts for the girls. When facing a scary situation, challenging time, or heartache you must first prep your basket. Moses' mother was beyond scared I am sure but she had faith in God that He would protect her child. Along with her faith she prepped her basket. The bible said she covered it with tar and sealed it to keep the little baby boat afloat. Giving your situation to God is a must and having faith in Him is of utmost importance. But sometimes you have to take the step of prepping your basket. What can be done in the situation that you are facing? Prayer, maybe action of some sort, having a needed talk? Take a moment and think what can I do to prep my basket as I place it over into God's hands. The second step is to be brave. What a brave mother she was as she placed her precious child into that basket and sent in down a dangerous river. But let's look at the bravery of the sister who followed along watching the basket until it reached the princess. Or the bravery of the princess who even though she knew what things her father was doing she chose to rescue this baby. Finding people to come along side you who will encourage and rally around you is a must. Hard times are just that hard. Going at these situations alone can be exhausting on all levels. But if we have a brave sister, friend, or hey even a princess who is there with you and can be brave when you aren't, it makes the load you are carrying so much easier. The support of others can be crucial to surviving. Lastly, wait for the return. Moses' mother probably never imagined that she would see her child again. But in due time she was asked by the princess to raise her own child and she was paid to do so. What an amazing turn of events! After you have put in the work of faithfully prepping your basket, gathered brave friends to stand with you and for you, now you must wait for the return. Will it be as quick as a river rushing downstream? Maybe not. You may not get the outcome you are praying for as quickly as you would like, but hold on. The return will come. The answer to your prayer, the situation resolved, the challenge conquered it is just down the river. Prep your basket, have faith. Gather your brave friends. Wait for the return. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 These past 3 weeks have been so overwhelming in our house. I injured my knee and am going through physical therapy with a possible surgery looming on the horizon. Then my youngest fell and broke her collarbone! Add these injuries onto our busy schedule of church, work, and homeschooling, I have been feeling so tired and defeated at times! I find it hard to get to a stopping point.
Sometimes for women our lives can seem like a frantic race in which we are running at a break neck speed. I recently had a dream in which I was the only one fighting an attacker while everyone else seemed so causal. The dream really bothered me that no one was as concerned as me! But after the past couple of weeks, I am realizing that maybe I need to slow my roll (is that a phrase anymore?) and not always go at top speed. Sometimes it is okay to stop and take a breather, even if it isn't the most opportune time. We only get one of us, we have to take care of us. Also, there is the grace end of things. I am usually pretty hard on myself if I don't feel I am performing at peak level! I need to give myself some loving grace and realize that I can't always be a 10 and sometimes my "just okay" is going to have to do for a while. I need to be generous with grace to others and to myself. Sometimes things that seem so huge in the moment, end up being small bumps in the road when we reach the other side. It's been a rough couple of weeks but I am thankful for some loving friends who are my cheering squad and have helped me see that it's okay to slow down. I love that saying "Life is tough my darling, but so are you" . We are tough, but darling sometimes it's okay to be a little weak. Take care and give grace. This past week my kids and I were in Walmart checking out when it hit me. I was in dire need of a bathroom run. I had a moment of contemplation of can it wait till we get home and then quickly realizing nope. I don't know if you have ever tried to use the bathroom in public with 4 kids but it is not a quick process. If you are still reading, I promise that is all I will say of the bathroom portion. So, I stopped the kids and asked my oldest to take the car keys, load our bags, and help his siblings into the car.
So even typing that I look back at it and think oh gosh there could have been this or this that happened. Normal mom worry right? But when I hurried out to the van there were all my kids sitting inside and my oldest had even buckled the littlest one in, groceries were put in, cart pushed to a corral, and 4 patient kids waiting for me. Such a good moment. I thanked them all for being so responsible and waiting for me. When I handed my son those keys his eyes got really big and he said "sure mom I could do that." He seemed so excited that I was giving him the chance to be responsible for this small thing. It got me thinking later on do I give him enough responsibility? Do I push him enough to be responsible for age-appropriate jobs and requests? As a mom we are so used to doing All. The. Things. We fall into mom mode and just take care of everything down to the littlest details. But as our children get older, we need to help them gain the experience of doing things for themselves. It is easy to stay in the habit of taking care of things for them but what are they learning? We need to find opportunities for our kids to do more to help them as they grow. Sometimes that might mean pushing them out of their comfort zone a bit. It will probably make us a little nervous too! But our kids will be better adjusted if we push them in the right moments to learn new skills. How will they know what they are capable of if we don't give them the chance to try? I love this stage with my kids. Each age they are at is so fun and honestly pretty easy. But as much as I dread it, they are getting older and changing on me. I hope that as they do (even though I beg them to stop growing), that they feel confident in their ability to do hard things and even the mundane everyday things. I want to raise strong independent children who are able to take care of themselves and those they love. And it starts with me giving them little nudges and opportunities right now. Up until this week my home during the day was usually filled with shouting. Not from me (well occasionally me because parenting am I right?) or my kids but from the constant stream of YouTube that was being watched on tv. My kids constantly had live feeds or videos of gamers shouting about a game, secrets, or special updates that for some reason could only be talked about with screaming voices and repetitive background noise. These punk millionaires who play games from their parent's basements were a constant supply of noise in our day to day. And last week I had Had. Enough.
So, I did it. I pulled the plug. My kids had been so preoccupied one day that I couldn't get them to focus on anything else and I just was tired of fighting this battle. So I deleted all YouTube access. Now you would expect the weeping and gnashing of teeth to be great right? NO! After the initial shock of this grand gesture of mine they simply moved on. I honestly feel like there was a sense of relief that swept over each of them and they haven't asked for it back once. I am no psychologist but I can't help but think that the addictive power that electronics and all that goes with them is seriously damaging things in our kid's brains! In the two weeks that we have been free from the tube, my kids have rediscovered their love of all thing's art and creativity. Our school room is scattered with drawings, paintings, and lego creations. Toys are being brought out and being played with, dress-up is happening, and board games are scattered on our dining room table. My kids are actually using their brains instead of numbly sitting being fed by these gaming fanatics. Today's kids are losing the ability to play and use their brains on their own, mine were just as guilty! Surrounded by screens, tablets, and phones we are slowly losing them and the wonderful things that make kids...kids. I feel so much better having that small thing out of the way. I would encourage every family to evaluate their own children. Do they know how to play? And don't rely on the line of "that's how kids play nowadays." We have to show our kids that there is so much more out there than a glowing screen. They need to know how to interact and play with other kids. I honestly feel like we can't expect them to know how because they may truly not know. I would encourage you to really show them how to play. Just like anything else, once they get the hang of it they will begin to do it on their own. But we have to take the first step. This week I would encourage you to take a step towards freeing your kids from the hold that screens may have on them. They may not even realize how addicted they are and you may see the same wave of relief I did. We only get them as kids for so long. Let's enjoy it! This past week my youngest hit a big milestone. She was officially moved from a car seat into a high-backed booster seat. She was so excited and watched happily as I wrestled the mammoth car seat out of her seat. I am pretty sure it wasn't just held in there with the safety latch system but also a thick layer of McDonald's french fries, spilled drinks, and crayons. In true wrestling with car seat fashion my neck and shoulder got a charlie horse in it just attempting to wrestle it out. I smiled to myself as it tweaked with pain because I thought I won't be doing this anymore!
No more car seats. No more carrying a bucket seat in one arm with a sleeping infant and the other arm holding on to an overflowing diaper bag. No more sitting in the van quietly while the baby sleeps just a little longer and I fall asleep in the front seat. No more arms stretched back rocking the car seat with an inconsolable crying baby. No more babies. I feel like I have enjoyed every single moment of my kids. But I was the parent who would roll my eyes when people would say, "you are gonna miss this." Maybe because every time someone would say that phrase they would say it at such a low point like when you are covered with puke, poop, pee or any other projectile. Or maybe when a tantrum had started. They always seemed to use it in such bad timing. Who would miss those things? But there are moments I tear up at thinking, "This. This I will miss." Late night rocking sessions when the house is quiet. The perfect way your baby curls up in that sweet spot between your neck and chest. The first coo, smile, giggle, any basically any wonderful baby sound. Toddler giggles and creative playtime. I have had a car seat in my car for 11 years between my 4 kids. Now the van seems a little emptier. I will miss it (once it is properly latched in place and my neck and shoulder relax.) I have found myself looking at my kids this week and wondering where the time has went. I have had a special moment with each of them and I think oh how my heart longs to hold on to them at this age they are at. Mommas when life gets to be a little too much, look at these wonderful creatures you have and cherish this time. We are so privileged to be raising the next generation. Yes they can be hard sometimes and there may be times you don't miss. But please slow down for a second and enjoy the moments. It truly does go too fast. As a working/homeschooling mom of 4 with so many irons in the fire it is really easy to push my self-care to the back burner. Back burner? Thats an understatement. I think I am somewhere in the back of that closet that you never organize or clean because it's so far gone that you think why start now? For example. I haven't worn make up in....it's been years. I just stopped for some unknown reason and thought eh this is just what I look like. But I have been struggling with my self image (corona-pounds, lazy, all that) and I am ready to do the cliché "new year new me" routine complete with a diet, health, and body improvements.
So, I start the diet. I then begin to Pinterest easy make-up routines. Oh my word. The first one swore up and down it was easy and then lasted 10 minutes, used an insane number of brushes of all shapes and sizes, and so many different palettes I lost track. All the while the skinny makeup expert kept assuring me this was sooo easy and was good for everyday routines. I am not sure I am ready for this. So maybe we will just concentrate on the diet. It really is going okay but here is where the greatest dilemma is. I am such an emotional eater. And I justify it every time! So now not only am I watching my food intake and exercise, I have to retrain my mind to stop being emotional or the constant need to justify my actions. My word this new me needs so much work. Then I look in my closet and begin to ponder when the last time I bought anything truly new. I mean I have been given stuff and bought used clothes but when had I bought something brand new because it fit just perfectly and I loved it. I haven't the slightest clue and that's a little sad. My closet needs major updating but I refuse to buy clothes to cover up my corona pounds. Maybe I will lose some weight and reward myself with new clothes. If I ever lose weight. Why isn't it just flying off like I want it to? Okay. So, the new me isn't exactly off to a roaring start. I have no make-up, no clothes, and this one day of dieting did nothing for my figure. Wow this is super encouraging right? But what I am telling myself is this. The weight didn't get put on in a day and unfortunately my God won't work that miracle and take it all off in a day. I can't just go out and pull a Julia Roberts in pretty woman (minus the hooker thing) shopping spree and buy a whole new wardrobe. And I like art and painting but I am pretty sure I won't ever be able to paint and contour my face enough to look as good as the skinny makeup artist. But here is what I can do. I will give myself some grace. I will be patient and understand that there will be good and bad days. I will continue to try because honestly, I am worth that much. So, new me? You best get yourself ready because I have been in the back of the closet for long enough and I am ready to take care of myself this year better than I have for a long time. There. I hope my self-pep talk encourages you too. I love the week between Christmas and New Year. It is a weeklong farewell to the year that is ending and full of promise for the next. So, in the spirit of celebrating, I am raising a glass to a number of people, things, and moments.
A toast to you parents. This year along with all the normal day to day struggles of parenting you also took on the role of Media Expert, Teacher, Entertainer, Secretarial Extraordinaire, Chef of unlimited meals a day, Referee, this list is endless ......Seriously parents this year came in swinging with a 1, 2 punch and you stood your ground and handled it with all the grace you could muster. You faced a year fighting masks, fears, and questions you didn't even know how to answer but you made it through and your kids are now handling this new current way of life like a pro. Moms, Dads, you are amazing. To the kids. I have often heard that I can't imagine living in this current world as our kids do now. I myself would say that at times and it is usually in reference to pop culture and generational trends. But this year as our kids faced masks, new education styles, words such as "quarantine", feelings of isolation, confusion, and completely upended schedules we worried about you so. But here you are still putting smiles on your parent's faces, being silly when a laugh is so needed, and knowing just the right time to give that hug. Thank you kids for still being....kids. Thanks for driving us crazy at times and then pulling us back in with a silly joke, fart, or innocent smile. Your generation will be different. I am sure of it. I cannot wait to see what becomes of you. Healthcare Workers. The world didn't realize what you took on from day to day but they bestowed the word Hero on you and began to put it on every sign, billboard, and post they could. But you know what? You didn't let it get to your head. You just kept clocking in and putting forth the same effort you have done every year that you have been in the field. Were days tough? Yes, but you gowned up and faced a pandemic with grace, courage, and an occasional sick dose of humor. Thank you for doing what so many could not handle. My toast could go on and on. To the families that lost someone. To those that thrived. To those that had major life transitions during this year. To the brave. To the sad and lonely. I could say so much. But here are my final words. To you. You made it through this year. This year was unplanned, uneasy, and not what we ever imagined. But here you are at the end of it wiping your brow knowing it is almost done. If no one has told you lately, I am proud of you. Thank you for all that you did. I think you did great with the cards we were dealt. I hope and pray that your next year is all you would hope for it to be. One of my favorite songs that we sing during Christmas at my church is called Noel by Lauren Daigle. It's one of those hauntingly beautiful songs that is so much fun to belt out at the top of your lungs. My favorite line from the song is in the chorus:
Noel, Noel Come and see what God has done Noel comes from the Latin word "natalis" and was an exclamation of joy at the birth of Christ. We hear this word often used during the Christmas period. This is all interesting but the line that follows it is what really gets me. Come and see what God has done. God did something great at Christmas for the world. He gave the world a great reason to rejoice on that precious night. But that song also makes me think of my own Noel shouting moments. I have had many moments in my life where God has appeared and done something amazing. I was once hit by a drunk driver while driving and my husband was behind me in the other car and watched the whole thing unfold. It was terrifying for us but God protected me and I walked away with very minor injuries. Noel! Come and see what God has done! We have lost two babies due to a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancies. We struggled to have children for 2 years after the first miscarriage. I was receiving an ultrasound at my job for a training employee's practice and they purely by accident found a tumor that I had no knowledge or signs of. Surgery was needed, was successful, and we were able to conceive a short time after. I now have 4 healthy beautiful children. Noel! Come and see what God has done! We all have those moments where greatness happens. The check comes at just the right time for the late bill. The Dr. calls and the tests are clear. Marriages are saved, families restored, love is alive. It gives me such a surge of joy to look back at these moments and think wow look at what God has done. I believe we all have Noel moments if we will sit and think for a second. Let those moments be an encouragement to you in troubled times. Tell others of your Noel moments. Let's celebrate this season what God did on that wonderful night and what He continues to do every day in our lives. Noel! I would love to hear your Noel moments and share in your joy! If you would like please comment and share with us. |