Psalm 34:18-19"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." Lately I have been on a journey of healing. Well, really it feels like the last 4 years of my life have been a healing journey. I have been focusing on healing from past relationships (going all the way back to my high school heartbreak LOL.), healing from childhood events, and healing from the insecurities that has lived within me for about 24 years now.
When heartbreak happens in my life, I tend to push those feelings down as best as I can and carry on like everything is fine. I very rarely give myself time to breakdown and cry, except for maybe 10 minutes in the shower... but even then I pull myself together very quickly and put on a happy face. Recently I have gone through a break-up (if you could even call it that) that has really opened my eyes to how I cope with these uncomfortable feelings. I am realizing that I truly haven't healed from hardly any of my break-ups. When you push forward and don't give yourself time to grieve the loss of a relationship, that grief kind of looms around waiting for the right opportunity to strike. I think of it as an annoying fly I keep swatting away, it is consuming and uncomfortable to hear that fly buzzing around so what do you do? You grab a fly swatter and chase that fly around until you can smack and kill it. That's the stage I am in right now. I was in my "swatting the fly away" phase a.k.a. avoiding healing. Sorting through your emotions can be so uncomfortable and can feel very lonely at times, so I was avoiding it at all costs. I was hopping from relationship to relationship trying to keep myself and my feelings occupied. But now I am in the phase where I am chasing my grief around from all my past relationships trying to kill it. Instead of falling back into the pattern of jumping right into a new relationship, I am going to allow myself time to feel the feelings and let them go. I really think this part of the grieving process is essential for future relationships. How can you give someone your all if you are still sad and missing the person from your past? I want to be able to go all in in my next relationship, with nothing holding me back. No past feelings lingering, no heartbreak left, I only want to focus on the future. But in order to do that I have to process and let go of the past. How have I been doing that? Well thanks for asking! I have been praying almost every night for a forgiving heart. I truly want to be able to forgive everyone that has wronged me and everyone who has left me. I want to be able to forgive like Jesus does. I don't want to hold onto these hurt and hateful feelings. I want to be able to let them go so I can live my life and find happiness. I am working on looking at people the way Kadie does, she always tells me that she believes people have the best intentions. So even if someone hurts you, you still assume they were coming from a good place. Let me tell you... that has been a challenge. But I really think reframing my thoughts to that has helped me heal a lot. Jesus doesn't hold back when he forgives us. Jesus actually DIED for our wrongdoings. So if Jesus died for us and forgave our deepest darkest sins... I think I can forgive a boy who broke my heart.
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1 John 4:19-20'We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen." We have all heard the saying, whether you consider yourself a Christian or not, "love thy neighbor." It is one of the major pillars of the Christian faith, along side love God with all your heart. BUT Christian or not, we should love all people all the time. It is just apart of being a decent human being. But what about the people who have hurt us? What about the people who have been so un-kind to us? Should we love them, forgive them, and show kindness to them? If I am being honest, SADLY the answer is yes. Unfortunately we don't get to pick and choose who we show kindness to and who we love. The Bible doesn't say "pick your 3 best friends and love just them." Nope, it says love EVERYONE, ALL the time. Showing love and forgiveness to someone who has hurt you seems like an impossible task. My immediate thought is that if someone has hurt me then they do not deserve my forgiveness. BUT GUESS WHAT, we did not and will never deserve Jesus' forgiveness. We did not and will never deserve Jesus' sacrifice. We did not and will never deserve Jesus' grace and love. So if we are to strive to live a life like Jesus did then forgiveness, grace, love, and sacrifice comes with that. Now, I am not saying you need to try to have a great and personal relationship with everyone that has hurt you, sometimes we do need to let go of people. You don't need to see the person that hurt you to offer forgiveness or grace. I think forgiveness lives in our hearts. If you had a really toxic relationship, or an abusive relationship, I am not saying you should go back into that situation. We can forgive someone without even looking them in their eyes. We can give someone grace and love even if they aren't next to us. To me, forgiving someone means not letting that hurt live in your heart anymore. It means not holding those mistakes against someone, not talking bad about that person who hurt you. Not letting that mistake affect future interactions you have with them. As hard as it is, it is so freeing letting go of your hurt and anger towards others. Not letting the pain of the past define your future is such a better way to live. Forgiveness does not come overnight. It takes time and prayer... and more time LOL. But it will come and it will be so freeing. When you start your process of forgiveness you will realize how hard it is, yet Jesus was so willing and quick to give it to us. It will make you have a newfound love for Jesus' grace and forgiveness. And that realization is worth the struggle to forgive. I am sure this isn't the type of post you were expecting to read on my page... My older posts were typically feminist rants and about clothes/makeup. Which you will still definitely get a taste of here, BUT today my post is about something totally different. Like REALLY different.
I want to talk about something I feel God has called me to do. We will get into my newly found relationship with Jesus in later posts, but today I want to talk about how scary it can be when God calls you to do something... like that moment when you're going up the first HUGE hill on a rollercoaster. Sweaty palms and could throw up any second, thinking "why in the world did I get on this ride?!". Lately I have felt really called to start and lead a Bible Study. Which is SOOOO out of my comfort zone. I keep thinking that I am not good enough to lead something like this, I don't know enough about the Bible or about Jesus' life to lead this. BUT if God calls you to do something, he will equip you with exactly what you need. I keep reminding myself that God will bring the right people to this Bible Study that need it. I am wanting to reach people who might not be comfortable with going to church or talking to people about the Bible. I keep saying I want to be the "middle man" for Jesus. I want to be someone that can connect Jesus to the people who might not normally give Him a chance. Which I must say is TERRIFYING. I constantly think I am not good enough for such a task, but I remind myself that if this thing that is scaring me brings even just one person closer to God, then it was worth it. I am scared, but I am doing it anyway for my main man Jesus! Bible Study starts THIS Tuesday at 7 pm EST. Zoom link will be on my Instagram! 1. Demand respect 2. Speak your mind 3. Laugh uncontrollably 4. Set boundaries 5. Dream wildly 6. Dance like no ones watching 7. Love yourself unconditionally Sadly, I see posts all the time on Pinterest about “habits of attractive women”, the lists those posts contain are nothing like mine I’ve listed above. Those lists include “diet” “always have flawless skin” “perfectly done hair” “well manicured nails”, such things cannot be maintained at all times. But that’s what we as women are expected to do. From the time we are little girls we are expected to always have a pretty face, smile, and not complain. I am sick of these lists, so I made my own. The list above is what we should be encouraging women and little girls to strive for. Be unapologetically yourself and always know you are enough as you are!
I recently took a trip to Florida. You know what going to the beach means.... swimsuits... dun dun dun. I had to face a lot of my body image issues while on the beach. I had to constantly remind myself that I am enough (shout out to the BS Bash) and not tear myself apart. This goes to show no matter how much you work on yourself and how prepared you think you are, there will always be setbacks. BUT we have to fill our “tool belt” with lots of coping skills to help us get through the tough times. So I am being vulnerable and below will be a picture of me on the beach, having fun, without a care in the world. Certainly not concerned by any tummy rolls, cellulite, or stretch marks.
(Disclaimer: I understand I am not overweight and that I have a certain level of privilege because of the size that I am. BUT that does not mean I don’t have body image issues. I want to post this to encourage everyone, no matter your size, to love yourself. Do not come at me with the “but you’re so tiny you can’t hate your body” bull crap. Read my precious body image post if you feel the need to say any of that) I used to be so self conscious & felt I had to wear makeup anytime I went somewhere. Lately I have really been working on embracing my no-makeup face and my natural hair.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• If you’re looking for some self confidence & a group of gals to laugh, cry, and joke with come to the Bittersweet Bash. The Bash is an event we’re hosting w/ different stations & activities to help you achieve self love. My station at the Bash will be geared towards my love for makeup but also my love for a natural look. Click the link in my Instagram bio (@paigemfisher) to buy your ticket or go visit the BS Babes (@bittersweet_babes) on Instagram! This weekend I went on the Pickled Peddler in Indianapolis!! If you haven’t heard of this, you should definitely check it out! It is such a fun group activity, that involved peddling around Indy and drinking with your friends!
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MEET THE BLOGGERHello! Paige here. I see you found your way to my page... haha no pun intended. Anyways, this page is for the 20-something gals who feel like they are stumbling through life. I hope this page brings you comfort, peace, and confidence. Dive into my posts and reach out to me anytime on my Instagram! I would love to chat and make a connection with you.
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