Psalm 34:18-19"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." Lately I have been on a journey of healing. Well, really it feels like the last 4 years of my life have been a healing journey. I have been focusing on healing from past relationships (going all the way back to my high school heartbreak LOL.), healing from childhood events, and healing from the insecurities that has lived within me for about 24 years now.
When heartbreak happens in my life, I tend to push those feelings down as best as I can and carry on like everything is fine. I very rarely give myself time to breakdown and cry, except for maybe 10 minutes in the shower... but even then I pull myself together very quickly and put on a happy face. Recently I have gone through a break-up (if you could even call it that) that has really opened my eyes to how I cope with these uncomfortable feelings. I am realizing that I truly haven't healed from hardly any of my break-ups. When you push forward and don't give yourself time to grieve the loss of a relationship, that grief kind of looms around waiting for the right opportunity to strike. I think of it as an annoying fly I keep swatting away, it is consuming and uncomfortable to hear that fly buzzing around so what do you do? You grab a fly swatter and chase that fly around until you can smack and kill it. That's the stage I am in right now. I was in my "swatting the fly away" phase a.k.a. avoiding healing. Sorting through your emotions can be so uncomfortable and can feel very lonely at times, so I was avoiding it at all costs. I was hopping from relationship to relationship trying to keep myself and my feelings occupied. But now I am in the phase where I am chasing my grief around from all my past relationships trying to kill it. Instead of falling back into the pattern of jumping right into a new relationship, I am going to allow myself time to feel the feelings and let them go. I really think this part of the grieving process is essential for future relationships. How can you give someone your all if you are still sad and missing the person from your past? I want to be able to go all in in my next relationship, with nothing holding me back. No past feelings lingering, no heartbreak left, I only want to focus on the future. But in order to do that I have to process and let go of the past. How have I been doing that? Well thanks for asking! I have been praying almost every night for a forgiving heart. I truly want to be able to forgive everyone that has wronged me and everyone who has left me. I want to be able to forgive like Jesus does. I don't want to hold onto these hurt and hateful feelings. I want to be able to let them go so I can live my life and find happiness. I am working on looking at people the way Kadie does, she always tells me that she believes people have the best intentions. So even if someone hurts you, you still assume they were coming from a good place. Let me tell you... that has been a challenge. But I really think reframing my thoughts to that has helped me heal a lot. Jesus doesn't hold back when he forgives us. Jesus actually DIED for our wrongdoings. So if Jesus died for us and forgave our deepest darkest sins... I think I can forgive a boy who broke my heart.
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MEET THE BLOGGERHello! Paige here. I see you found your way to my page... haha no pun intended. Anyways, this page is for the 20-something gals who feel like they are stumbling through life. I hope this page brings you comfort, peace, and confidence. Dive into my posts and reach out to me anytime on my Instagram! I would love to chat and make a connection with you.
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