What does it mean to be perfect? By whose standards are we measuring? Is there some societal scale that we must live up to or standard set within each of us?
Why is it when I “mess” up, I feel less than perfect? Whoever told me there is such a thing as messing up or not being perfect? Perfectionism is something I strive for in every area of my life. Heck, I cannot even enjoy a good 45 minutes of Netflix or Hulu without feeling like I am doing something wrong. I mean there is so much that I should be doing. Forget the fact that I have worked 8 hours today, that is unacceptable of me to feel like I deserve to sit down and enjoy myself for 45 minutes. Come on you lazy thing, is what the inner voice in my head is screaming. It is so hard to enjoy this show with all that screaming going on. So now I am sitting with the television on, half watching and half making a to do list of what I should be doing. It is a vicious cycle. One in which I find myself repeating, daily. So, when did it all begin, this idea of being perfect? This expectation of how we should be and act. Was it when we were just infants and our parents wanted us to sleep through the night? I mean what if we were destined to be night owls from birth? Does it make us less perfect that we are not able to sleep from 8pm-8am? Or was it when we were a year old and still had no hair? I have heard my own mother talk about taping a bow on my head so others would know I was a girl. As if I had some control of the rate in which my hair was to grow. Or maybe it was when we started school. We bring home that first report card. We are praised for good grades and punished for not so good grades. Does anyone ever take into consideration that we are not all A or B students? Some of us are destined to be great in life with C’s or D’s. Once again, we are all measured on this same scale, yet we are all so different on so many levels. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be perfect and have wanted everyone and everything in my life to be perfect as well. To say this was an impossible goal is an understatement, yet here I am still trying to be perfect. It is not easy to rewire your thought patterns. I am working on being more mindful and slowing down some. I find that when I can really focus on one thing, not only do I enjoy it more, I also find that I do a better job with it. Doesn’t mean I am perfect, just a work in progress striving to find that happy median of accepting myself for me.
1 Comment
Mechell
2/13/2023 10:26:46 am
I ❤️ THIS!!!
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